Self-Control

I was lying awake last night listening to James cuss out everyone he had troubles with earlier in the day (he's always done his venting in his sleep) and I wondered: is self-control overrated? Is learning to stuff your emotions and anger in public really such a good thing? When I was listening to James I felt proud that he is developing self control but at the same time I was considering what it is costing him. And me. In sleep, at the very least. Alternatively, if we all just "let 'er rip" everytime we are frustrated or angry (whether justified or imagined) what would that encourage? I am teaching my sons "the way the world works" but there are so many exceptions. Kids can't swear, but grownups can. Kids can't have seconds on ice cream, but grownups can. Kids can't yell and scream and throw things in frustration, but grownups can. Kids should never drink to excess or smoke but when you're a grownup you are free to make any stupid decision you want and then fully experience the consequences. I would be lying if I told them you can't achieve success in relationships or careers if you're stupid or an asshole. We must look like idiots trying to get them to buy this double-standard of behavior expectations. Kids aren't stupid; they see adults as they really are. It does not escape them when they see an adult having a tantrum or driving disrespectfully or being rude or snobby or cheating (don't get me started on that one), etc. And even worse is when grownups are rude and disrespectful at home and when they speak about friends and family. And then expect kids not to do it? Ouch. Kids have you under their microscope and don't ever think they don't really know who you are. So I'm over-thinking this whole self-control thing when this saying came into my morning email:

When you live in reaction, you give your power away. Then you get to experience what you gave your power to. — N. Smith

N. Smith reminded me why self-control isn't about stuffing emotions or allowing others to hurt or take advantage of you. Or being phoney or false to yourself. It's not even about making the world a 'pleasant place' for everyone to dwell. It's much deeper and more personal. When you do not use some retraint over your reactions you are giving your power away. It's who you become. You are giving away your power of choice; your ability to define yourself. So, is self-control really self-preservation? I think I'm on to something here.