Camp Songs

I've been teaching the boys camp songs from my childhood camp. We had just finished "The Little Man", (about one meatball and suicide - a great children's ditty) and as the boys lay in their beds I began to sing a song called "I Want to be Strong". James leaped out of bed as I sang, " I want to be strong, to be strong as the land around me", he flexed his biceps, puffed up his chest and stretched up on his tiptoes. " I want a heart that's as wide as the sky!", he held out his arms as wide as they would go, brought them in to rub his heart and back out they went. "I want a spirit like a moving mountain stream!", he flailed about, arms swinging, body twirling. "I want to look people straight in the eye!" , he put his hands on his hips and fixed me with a serious wide-eyed glare (alternating with a Clint Eastwood-type squint). Now usually when I sing songs like this I get the eye-rolling-please-stop-singing response. I was stunned to see my son so inspired by the words of this song that he was compelled to grasp the meaning and shout it to the world with every part of his body that would comply. When we finished the song his face was flushed, his eyes sparkled and he was breathing deeply. I helped him into bed and asked him, "You know what's cool about mountain streams?" "No", he said. "They always find a way to keep flowing - whether there is a rock or a tree or a cliff, they always find a way to keep going - they never quit." " I quit", he said. "No way!", I blasted back, "I won't let you quit anything!" He had rolled toward the wall and it was clear he didn't want to talk. I gave him a kiss and went over to Peetie to say goodnight.

It's too easy to get caught up in daily life and end up oblivious to the powerful events and elements that are right there in front of me. James' response to the song brought home a sound reminder to me that the healing I am seeking for him is not limited to nor hidden in some complex labyrinth of doctors, therapists and reference books; it is right where we are, in what we're doing, and it has no limits.

James couldn't sleep

We were snuggling on the bed
Staring at the flame on the oil lamp
Blowing at it
Naming the colors in the flame
James told me that prayers can ride up the smoke from the flame; that the words are spiral lines floating up to heaven. He said he had tried to pray but it didn’t work. His voice was sad. I asked him what didn’t work – was it the words or how he was feeling that didn’t work.
Both, he said.
Then, James talked about a cartoon that has dudes for each of the elements: fire, water, wind and earth – Shaolin (sp?) Showdown, I think.
We talked about how three of the elements can put out a fire. He held up his hand with four fingers out and said, once you understand the four elements, you get the fifth one.
What is that?
It’s the mystery.
You mean, like magic?
Yeah.
What would you pray for, I asked.
To change my circle of life he said.
What does that mean?
To change me. To have a better life.
You are perfect and your better life is already here.
No answer.
I love you, James.
I know.

Finley

Peetie has a new blow-up dolphin he got at the State Fair. He named him Finley (sp?). I asked him why he named him Finley. He carefully touched each fin on his dolphin then widened his eyes, leaned forward and said, "See all the fins?" Instead of contemplating (again) his mother's obvious stupidity, he showed me how he taught Finley to tap dance on his tail fin. It was a darn good dance.